I am my Beloved's... mostly

My Beloved is MINE...

Song of Solomon 2:16 - "My Beloved is mine, and I am His."  Isn't this the way of early relationships? Our beloved belongs to us, owned by us and we jealously guard over them to make sure we do not lose them.  We call on the phone and spend hours just listening to our beloved breathe so we can be connected.  We rush to meet them and linger in their presence.

In light of the Christian experience, it sometimes feels like we get a pair of Christian handcuffs to latch on to our Savior (even though WE sometimes hold on to the key).  At this stage we're actually more like new-born infants clinging to the comfort and care of our mother.  Because we experience Jesus' unconditional love, the "eat-when-we-hunger" phase of growth, and the near constant protection and attention we can easily be convinced that Jesus does indeed "belong" to us.

As we follow our Good Shepherd, Jesus patiently teaches us, leading us to green pastures & quiet waters where we eat and drink, of His Presence, His Word, His Spirit.  We need the Milk of the "first principles" (Hebrews 5:12-14) and He makes it available to us; as much as we need as often as we press in.  Over time, we graduate from the Milk, to the solid food, the strong meat of the Word, guided and interpreted by His Spirit.  We learn more about how our Beloved feels about us and the depth of His love for us and step by step we grow.  We learn the Truth that God has spoken about us; that we are joint heirs with Christ, we are Royalty, we are Priests, we are Warriors.  And as we grow closer and learn more, we grow stronger, more independent and capable of standing with Him but on our own two feet.

Okay, so ... I am my Beloved's ... but He is still mine

We mature enough to no longer require that He belong to us, and we now recognize that we belong to Him as in Song of Solomon 6:3 we come to the realization that "I am my Beloved's and He is mine."  Learning more about His character, realizing the depth of the sacrifice required and made to secure my place with Him, we come to understand that He has chosen us and we have done nothing to earn that gift, but to accept it freely.  But even though we now know that we belong to Him, we can still cling to the hope that He also belongs to us. That we can hold some piece of him as surety of His love, His dedication.

As we move into this new level of relationship and face new challenges, earn new victories, we see that our Beloved is no longer with us continually in an obvious way.  Like a child learning to peddle his two-wheeled bike, we begin learning to avoid obstacles, overcome the rough patches in the road and stay upright on our own; we mature.  We can become so focused on our situation, we don't notice the support we receive from the one running behind us, hand on the bike, lending support and guidance.  So we struggle with things seemingly on our own, and call to Him... and we learn.  We learn from our triumphs and our failures; from answered prayers and confusing silences.  And looking back we see how His grace and mercy surrounded us every time and we learn that sometimes bread can look like stones, and eggs serpents.  But through it all we learn a new kind of closeness and dedication; a new kind of relationship.  Deeper and more mature, more secure.  And in our struggles with trials & tribulations, we grow stronger still.

I am my Beloved's ... and His desire is towards me

Then hopefully one day, we realize that it is not about "me" at all, it's all about Him.  Now we can finally say that "I am my Beloved's, and His desire is towards me." (Song of Solomon 7:10)  We can rest in the confidence that he will not forsake us, because He never has.  He will continue to love us, because He always has.  We come to a place where we know that if we try to hold Him, we lose him; we're just not big enough.  But only when He holds us we are truly secure.

This is the place where Joy can come freely and abundantly; where we are secure in our relationship.  This is the place where "He prepares a table in the presence of our enemies" so that He may fight, while we feast.  This is the place where strife ends and fruit happens.  You don't see an apple tree straining to produce fruit.  The apple tree just busies itself being an apple tree and the fruit happens.  This is the place we should all strive to live.

This is the place where I want to be.  Sitting at His feet.  Confident in who He says I am.  Glorying in His Grace, marveling at his Mercy, profiting in His Presence.  I'd like to say I've arrived.  That I live here all the time, that nothing shakes me or frightens me, or angers me and that I spend all my time giddy with joy.  But I'm afraid I'm just a visitor to this place.  I get here every once in so often.  Those are times I remember as being confident in His provision.  Just knowing it will be alright, because greater is HE that is within me, than he that is in the world.  But, no... I visit.  Even so, I'm grateful that I get here from time to time.  The good news is that I seem to visit more often and to stay longer each time.  That's gotta be worth something, doesn't it?

What about you?  Where are you in this march towards maturity?

What do you hold in your hand?

Moses.  Adopted and raised in the family of the Pharaoh of Egypt, surrounded by opulence & power became a runaway, in trouble with the law and reduced to being a shepherd in some backwater hill country.  Imagine his surprise at finding a bush, that was burning yet not consumed!  He hears what can only be the voice of God telling him that he is on holy ground and to remove his shoes.  In my imagination, the conversation basically runs like this:

"Moses, I want you to go back to Egypt and free my people."

Looking around Moses says "Lord God of the Universe!  Maker of Heaven & Earth!  King of all Creation!  You ... have ... got the WRONG GUY!"  Moses drops his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "Don't you know that I'm a wanted man by Egyptian authorities?  Not to mention I'm also hated by YOUR people."  Now his voice raises a bit, getting agitated.  "No one's going to hear me and no one's going to believe me.  You want them freed?  You go!  Or better yet, find someone else to do your dirty-work."

Moses now starts looking around frantically for a way of escape.  Running away worked once, it's worth a try again.  "Besides," he wheedles, edging along the canyon wall, "I don't speak so good, and you need a great speaker for such an important task.  The one YOU want is ... uh ... my ... my BROther, Aaron!"  By now, he's wondering if the bush will chase after him if he runs, "Yeah THAT's the guy YOU want.  Man, he can sing like an angel and talk like a preacher."  Relief flooding his voice Moses boldly contines, "Yeah, Aaron!  (under his breath) never liked him that much anyway...  You should send HIM on your little journey of DEATH!  Not me.  Hey, I don't even listen to mySELF when I talk and when I sing?  The SHEEP even run away.  Besides, what makes you think anyone will believe me when I tell them You sent me?"

"Moses?  What do you have in your hand?"

"uuhhh, nothin' ..."

"The OTHER hand, Moses."

"Oh!  This old thing?  It's just a rod.  Yep.  A plain old rod... Nope, nothin' special about this beat up stick of wood..."

"Well, throw it down Moses."

"um... do you mean like on the ground?"

"Yes.  Throw it down, Moses... as you say... on the ground."

"You know, a rod's a pretty useful thing to have around.  If I throw this away, well, You know, no one wants to be caught rod-less!"

"Throw it down, Moses."

"I raised this rod from a twig..."

"Throw it DOWN."

"OK!  There, you happy... WHOA!"  Imagine Moses' surprise to see this rod--something he'd probably made himself, something that kept him safe, something he had come to trust and lean on--turn into a snake!  A desert viper, perhaps.  Venemous & crafty.  Something one could not trust.  Something that hides waiting to ambush unsuspecting prey.  Something that strikes with no warning; no mercy.

Moses sense of loss, fear and revulsion may have been acute and shocking but his reaction would have been mild compared to his response at what God said next, "Now Moses, pick it up... by the tail."

"Uummm, Lord?  I realize You may not have been here in the desert very long so I want to explain something to you.  Only Steve Urwin the Crocodile Hunter picks up a snake by the tail!  I mean you grab a snake by the tail and he'll WHIP around and..."

"Pick it UP, Moses."

Muttering, "Wasn't it one of these that got us kicked out of the Garden?"

"PICK IT UP, Moses!"

"Ok!  Ok!"  As Moses bent to pick up the rod-become-snake his life may have flashed before his eyes.  As his fingers closed around the scaly tail, eyes tightly shut waiting for the moment of pain that would mark the beginning of the end of his life, imagine his surprise once more to find he held... a rod in his hand.  It was the same rod... but ... NOT the same.  He may have thrown down the rod of Moses... but he picked up the rod of God.

That precious thing that Moses threw to the ground, yielded his rights to, and gave to God became something that God could use to do things Moses could never have accomplished before.  With the Rod of God, he would strike the rock and bring forth water.  With the Rod of God, he would part the waters of the Red Sea.  With the Rod of God, Moses set God's people free.


Bob Pierce was a missionary to Asia more than 50 years ago.  He was invited to address the children of a series of Dutch missionary schools.  For a week, he spoke to 600 children many of whom gave their hearts to God.  "Now, you must go home and tell your parents.  Tell them you are Christians now and will only worship the one true God."  Satisfied that he had fulfilled his calling in that place, he prepared to return home.

As he left, he wanted to stop by the Dutch missionary's home & say goodbye but was surprised to find her standing outside her home holding a child.  As he got nearer, he saw that the child's dress was torn, and her back bleeding.  Bob ran to the missionary and asked what had happened, who was responsible for this?

"You," she said.  "This child did exactly what you told her to.  She went home, told her parents she was a Christian and would only serve the one true God.  Her father screamed at her, beat her and threw her out of the house saying that she had defiled her ancestors and that she was now dead to him."  The missionary stepped forward and placed the child in Bob's arms.  "What will you do about it?  I cannot take her in.  I already have 6 children eating out of my rice bowl."

Stunned, Bob fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a $5 bill. "This is all I have" he said.

The missionary took it and said, "This will buy her rice, some cloth to make a new dress, and a slate for her to attend school.  You will send me this same amount every month and I will find a warm place for her to sleep and see that she is safe and educated."  He never forgot that event.

Five years later, Bob Pierce stood before a large group of Chinese pastors and told this story.  Afterwards, he prayed this simple prayer.  "May my heart be broken, by the things that break the heart of God."  He urged the pastors to do the same thing he had been doing for the last 5 years for the child he had held in his arms.  Her name was White Jade and she was the 1st child to be sponsored by the organization that came to be known as World Vision.

That was more than 50 years ago.  Today, World Vision is one of the largest children's relief organizations in the world giving hope to more than 3 million of the smallest, weakest, and most vulnerable segment of the world's population.


Charlotte Elliott was a vivacious and active young woman in England more than 200 years ago.  Known for writing poetry, and her artwork, her father was known for taking in traveling ministers as they passed through town.  Charlotte was struck down at an early age with what we now feel may have been Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which eventually left here nearly bedridden, with no energy to do more than move about a bit.  She began to become bitter and cynical in response to her illness and felt unworthy to be used by God.  She would broach the subject with many of the ministers as they ate meals with the family.

"How is it," she would say, "that God could use me?  How am I to approach Him?"  Most ministers would recite platitudes such as "Pray more" or "Read the Bible more" or "Resolve to do better." none of which helped her at all to cope with her condition.  Then one day, a minister named Dr. Cesar Malan came to stay with them.  When Charlotte again, asked the question she finally got an answer she did not expect.

"How are you to approach God, Miss Elliott?  Why, just as you are."

Charlotte was stunned by the simple answer for only a moment.  "Why, Dr. Malan, should I not pray more?  Read the Bible more?  Resolve to do better?"

"You may, if you like Miss Elliott..." Cesar responded.  "However, do you honestly believe that you have anything of value that you could possibly bring before an all-mighty God?  That you could do anything to impress Him?  There is nothing you can fail at that will make Him love you less, and nothing you can do to make Him love you more.  You must come to him, just as you are."  The conversation had a profound impact on Charlotte's life and was instrumental in her making a decision to accept the Lord as her personal Savior.

Over the years, Charlotte continued to be plagued by Chronic Fatigue, unable to do the simplest things.  When her brother, Rev. Henry V. Elliott, began a fund-raising campaign to start a school for the daughters of Ministers (at that time only boys enjoyed rudimentary education) she was deeply troubled that she could not help, as she expressed one day during his routine visits.

"Morning, old thing!" Henry said as he popped into her room and flopped into a chair near her bed.  "Do you know what I've been doing all day?  I've been preparing for tomorrow's bazaar!  Arranging all the booths, spreading out clothing & the other donations so things look nice and people will buy loads.  We are very much hopeful of bringing in the money we need to get St. Mary's school going.  And we... Charlotte?  What's wrong?"

Charlotte's eyes had fallen to the seemingly useless hands in her lap.  "Oh Henry," she said, "I feel so... useless.  I can't even get out of bed to help with the Bazaar."

"Oh, posh old thing!  We've got in well in hand."  Casting about for something to change the subject his eyes fell on a piece of paper on her bed side table.  "What ho!  What have we here?  The famous Miss Charlotte has been composing again, I see."

"What?  That?  Phaw!  That's nothing.  I wrote it last night thinking about how little I could do to help and how greatly God still loves me despite the fact.  I remembered something that Dr. Malan said many years ago.  Do you remember him?"

"Remember him?" Henry said, "How could I forget the one that finally brought you to the feet of our Lord?  Yes, I remember him well enough."  As he read through the lines on the page, his eyes welled and his voice cracked a bit.  "Charlotte... do you mind if I take this?  Show it to some people?"

"That?  Take it.  I shouldn't think much will come of it."  Charlotte could not have been more wrong.  They printed that poem, and sold it and my understanding is that the proceeds from the sale of that poem brought in more than the entire bazaar.  Even beyond that, what she had written on that piece of paper would one day be set to music and become one of the most recognizable hymns in history.

"Just as I am, without one plea,
but that thy blood was shed for me,
and that thou bidst me come to thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come."

It found its way into nearly every major hymnal, and became a hallmark of many great preachers including the call to altar song for Billy Graham crusades.  This story has a particular and personal meaning for me.  I first heard it when I was 6 years old, watching a televised Billy Graham Crusade and praying the sinner's prayer along with Billy.


God never asked Charlotte Elliott to write a hymn that would touch the lives of millions of people.  God never asked Bob Pierce to found an organization that would give hope to over 3 million children around the world.  He only asked them to lay down what they had in their hands... just as he did with Moses.

So, what is it that you hold in your hands?  In what do you place your trust?  Your security?  Your hope?  God wants you to lay that down and see it for what it is; and imperfect reflection of what you could be.  He also wants you to lay it down so He can ask you to pick it up again as something He can use through you.  With our own talents, we can do little.  With talents, given to God and returned to us there's little we cannot do.

How far would you go... or NOT go?

there is a story about a young pastor who had been hired as the main pastor at a church in Kentucky. this was his first job as a pastor and was very eager to make a good impression on his new flock. he prepared long and hard and came up with an excellent sermon on the evils of smoking. his presentation was flawless, his timing perfect. Afterwards the head elder came to him and said, "Tread lightly my son. A third of the congregation raises tobacco." armed with this new information, the young pastor came upon a new topic for the next week's message and delivered a fire sermon on the evils of drinking! afterwards the same elder came to him and said, "Tread lightly my son. A third of the congregation works at a brewery." after some more consideration he came up with a new topic, and delivered a masterful message on the evils of gambling. soon the same elder came to him and said, "Tread lightly my son. a third of the congregation raises race horses." the next week the youn pastor delivered a firey sermon on the evils of fishing the territorial waters of another nation.
Well, that preacher has some tough choices ahead of him. It does raise an interesting question, though doesn't it? A pastor has to choose weekly what to share with his congregation. I'm sure that they must wrestle with questions like what do they need to hear right now, will some be offended, is it alright to offend on this or that topic, etc. What are the thought processes that go along with these decisions? Are some topics worth the possibility of being a bit offensive? Even though the Christian community may be split on the question of Harry Potter and movies about vampires, does one take a stand, and if so how strongly? Is it truly necessary to tackle the issue? Is the evidence compelling in either way? Will it bring people in to the church or drive them away? Are these even fair questions?

in all fairness, doesn't a pastor have an obligation to listen to the Holy Spirit? to choose messages not based on what might offend, or entice but what needs to be heard? if one can trust one's pastor one must needs trust the messages they deliver and try to find that nugget of truth the Spirit meant for you. Pastors must walk a fine line, discerning what their flock needs irregardless of whether it's "offensive" or not.  Majoring on the "majors" and minoring on the "minors" so to speak.  Some avoid the question altogether and concentrate on only the positives of the Gospel.  God is love, He gave His only begotten Son, etc.  Others address the "tough" questions head on, unequivocally stating their opinions and letting the chips fall where they may.

What topics do you feel are "worth the risk?"  And how far would you go to push your point?

What do I want to be when I grow up?

It seemed to sneak up on me.  Quietly, stealthily, without my realizing it had been stalking me through the years just biding it's time.  The question "What do I want to be when I grow up?" has been just waiting for the moment when it gets to jump out of the bushes, wave it's arms in the air and yell in my face, "HA!  You ARE up!  So, what are you going to be?!"  And now, nearer to the end of my professional life than the beginning, I must, once again grapple with it.  Like Jacob, grappling with the Angel in Genesis, and not willing to let go until he is blessed with a new name... or in my case, a new career.

What has prompted this life-changing consideration?  My back hurts.  You're probably saying "So what?  So does mine."  Many, perhaps most people as they advance in age suffer from acute (lasting for less than 3 months) back pain from muscles strained or from spasm-twisted vertebrae.  But it's not just my back, portions of my legs and feet are also numb and/or tingling and my condition is chronic having lasted more than 3 months (like 15 years or so more).  I believe the medical term is Cauda Equina Syndrome caused by intervertebral disc herniation between L4 and L5.  Simply put, the discs between the vertebrae in one's back are like jelly donuts with the spinal column running through the hole in the center.  As they age, the donut part of the disc weakens and sometimes allows the jelly to form a bulge.  When this bulge occurs on the inside of the hole and impacts the spinal column, pain results and if left too long untreated, permanent nerve damage.

So, I cannot sit, stand, or lie down for extended periods but must shift my position many times throughout a normal day.  Daily chores and other activities most people do without thinking, I can only do occassionally with periods of rest between.  Bending, crouching, kneeling, etc. is difficult as well.  Much of the work I have done in the past, Computer Support, Web Page Design, and Acting requires physical abilities I find at best difficult, at worst, debilitating.  Perhaps there is another profession I can attempt, even at my age.  This is my current quest: to find such a new career.

Of course it is in the "professional" realm that I am speaking.  Many other questions in other areas of my life have been settled and I have, in due course, reaped the fruits (or consequences) of those choices.  Questions such as:

• "Whom shall I marry?"
• "How should I raise my kids?"
• "Should I wear Hawaiian shirts in Winter?"

Such questions guide us through the process that makes us the people we become.  They form & shape our lives and personalities.  Now I look forward to an opportunity to answer one of the most important of those life-questions... all over again.

If you have gone through a similar life-changing period of your life, perhaps you'd like to share what you went through, and possibly what helped you cope with the enormity of the task.

The Lion and the Lamb

Christ is referred to as "The Lion of the Tribe of Judah" in Rev. 5:4 and he is called "The Lamb of God" by John in his Gospel, chapter 1, verse 29. Now, these two animals are about as far apart on just about any "animal scale" you care to imagine. So I guess this is saying that Jesus can be the Lion or the Lamb as the situation requires...

This makes me think of other extremes, the ones that influence our lives.  When I wrote this, I was sitting in a hospital room with my 22 year-old daughter who was under going a several-days-long series of tests to see if they could better determine the cause of her seizures. Caryn has had night-related seizures since she was about 6. They've never been completely under control; not by drugs, not even by a Vagus Nerve Stimulator (VNS) implanted in her chest. Because of this, the next thing to consider, unfortunately, could be brain surgery. Scary.  Very... rock-like in appearance.

These are the times we want The Lion to come roaring out of the jungle & scare away all the things that scare us. So... where is this lion? When WE think we need him most, sometimes He's just not there. It's the most puzzling thing about Him; why sometimes when we pray we don't get the answer we expect. This life is full of things bigger than we are, things we can't control, accidents, illness, seizures, death; scary things. Things that seem to need a Lion to take care of them. But... where is this lion when these "rocks" fall in our laps?

If we are lucky, at some point we come to the conclusion that it is a fact that He's not always what we expect him to be, is he?  Some of the disciples expected him to be the Lion of Judah and become King of Israel & drive out the Romans but instead he was the Lamb of God, sacrificed to restore us to right relationship with the Father.  Nobody saw that coming, it wasn't what anyone thought was needed at the time but He saw from a different perspective.  But how are we supposed to handle that? By Faith.  Faith bridges the gap between what we see and what we need. 

In Matt 7:9 the question is asked how many fathers would give their sons a stone if they ask for bread?  It's a silly question, isn't it.  Oh, we might slip a rock on to a child's plate and tell him it's bread just to see him try to chew it, but when push comes to shove and our kids need bread... they get bread.  Now, I've seen some pretty rustic bread in my time.  Dark brown, heavy, rough crusted, and hard to chew but wonderfully delicious bread.  So I know that what can look like a rock, maybe even feel a bit like a rock can actually be life-giving bread.

When you have need in your life, when what you see is looking nothing like bread, stop.  Take a deep breath and remember you don't see what the Father sees.  Have Faith that He will not give you a rock.

Divorce. Whose Side Are YOU On?

Ok, here's a touchy subject. Divorce. With half of all marriages ending in divorce, I'm pretty sure that just about everyone reading this has been touched one way or another by someone's... or their own divorce. I'm not here to debate the legitimacy of it, or discuss the circumstances under which it's "ok" to divorce. Let's not even get into the idea that one side is "wrong" and the other is "right" 'cause we're all Human, and that means that, in all fairness chances are that neither side is totally "right" and neither is totally "wrong" either.

My purpose here to day is to start a dialog on an important, but not well discussed aspect of it. Whose side do you take? Family, friends, and unfortunately, children are often asked to chose one "camp" or the other. So, how does one make the choice? Do you listen carefully to each side's position? "She did to me..." "He did to me..." Then carefully weigh the evidence and try to come up with your own judgment of which side was "more wrong"?

Or perhaps you just pick the side you're most closely related to? "He's my brother, so ..." "But she's been my friend for ages..." Is that a better rule of thumb? I mean, "Blood is thicker than water" right? Isn't it true that if your sibling gets divorced, doesn't that mean that your sibling-in-law is now a "sibling-out-law"? No longer related to you at all? Years of relationship, parenting of nieces & nephews, none of that matters any longer?

I'm sure there are people out there that have gone through a divorce, be it a nasty or civil, that are saying "Yep. That's right. If they're not related to me any longer, they shouldn't be related to you!" But maybe some of you had to watch loved ones go through the experience and are now faced with the ... expectation? of having to choose sides that are saying, "But I still love both people." And that's the key, isn't it? People. Not "sides" but people. Hurting people.

So, now it's your turn... We all want to hear from you. You've gone through a divorce, or seen loved one go through it. What do you think? Do we all have to go through a divorce too? Do we all have to choose sides?

I Wish I Could Buy God a Watch...

I'm sure this is only true for me. None of you out there struggle with this like I do. My life has ... challenges. Financial, spiritual, physical, etc. but I have to say that God has been faithful. A number of times, we have met our landlords on the courthouse steps and was able to hand them a check for the rent as they were going inside to begin eviction proceedings. One might think "Wow, how cool God came through for you... AGAIN!" However, I am somewhat ashamed to admit that what went through the back of my mind just before rent money came in was "God didn't come through for me this time."

I'm sure we all have challenges we've gone through. Has God met them for you as he has for me? Then why do we not just thunder through life knowing God is going to come through for us, every time? If you are like me in this, you should know that we are in "good" company. The Children of Israel had just seen God change the mind of the most powerful man in the world with miraculous plagues & disasters and yet as they stood on the shore of the Red Sea and saw the Egyptian army approaching what did they do? They started yelling at Moses! They weren't singing God's praises because he was going to save them ... AGAIN! Even after the parting of the sea, did they have faith that God would feed them? No. After all God did for them, repeatedly saving them miraculously time after time they still wind up complaining, doubting, even replacing God with a golden cow.

I've thought a lot about this. I may have come to a conclusion that could explain some of this. It makes me feel better about it anyway... God doesn't own a watch.

He doesn't see time like we do. His perspective is beyond the minute to minute, hour by hour existence we must survive. To him, parting the red sea seconds before the first spear is thrown is no different than having everything printed out in an Itinerary weeks before the event. There are no surprises for God. To him it's as if everything has already happened. He can sit back and relax, 'cause it's all over for him. As we fuss & fret over some impending deadline, he can see that it's already been taken care of.

This is where the apologists & theologians will step in and talk about how the stress builds character & faith. I'm sure they're right. So what? That doesn't make things any easier for us, does it? Or does it?

Do YOU take comfort in knowing that God knows how things will turn out? I like to think I do, but I still go through the character-building, heart-pounding, stress routine just about every time. And just about every time I feel silly afterwards.

What about you? Do you sail through life, laughing at problems knowing God's got your back? Or do you fret & fuss every time life throws you a curve? Or, are you somewhere in the middle? I'd like to know...